i thinking just feel foolish

Lessons keep repeating until they're learned

I should've learned from the first time  

I'm just so full of hope

but now I'm just a fool

plus my feelings are just everywhere

one second I feel like this then like that  

I just know that it's so hard for me to trust people  

this is broken trust

lying by way of omission  

you cant turn back time

or waste time wishing you hadn't wasted your time

its past  

remember I said that last week

time is subjective

yesterday has come and past

past

past  

past

leave it there

 

I've changed my mind  

you've taken it over

your lips have stolen my heart

my thoughts always run in your direction  

can't wait til the next time I taste your erection  

your presence makes me shy  

I've never been like this about any other guy

youre the light in my clouded mind

I'm all over the place I wrote those words about Isaac being my nine and all this shit

but then I saw you at work

but idk I didn't get butterflies

but I was looking for you waiting for you to come in and it reminded me of when I used to wait for Isaac to get to Martha's and how excited I'd get when I'd see him walk through the kitchen 

when I'd make him tea or coffee

we both had our coffee the same way

then I saw Jenny and she said you brought me up and on the inside my heart skipped

But then I went to the back and pretended to be disgusted by the fact that you brought me up to people to cyn  

I referenced my poem about him  

i hate him

i hate him

idek why I said and did all that  

anyways then I saw 19

before i left

we kissed and made plans for our next encounter  

and I went out thinking of my 9 aaand my 19

my 19 every time someone would hit on me

behave or be hoe

I chose to behave

i wrote about my 19 while I was at 5th quarter  

on the back of a jack in the box receipt  

9/29/17

The sun is setting on me and you

it's funny though cause I'm not even blue  

he was my nine

youre my 19

maybe I need to find my 92

nine, nine, nine

why can't I seem to get you off my mind

go away

i need someone new to make my heart sway

somehow in my heart you've managed to stay  

are you etched in my soul

what is it about you

our love wasn't even true

you only held me back

but still it's you I feel I lack

even though your dick game was wack

how do you erase the memory of someone's touch

the one who made you feel so much

i wanted to give you my all

you just liked me for the way that I sucked on your balls

fucking asshole  

i hate you

i hate you for the way you make me feel even still

i hate you for the way you broke my heart

i hate you for how low you made me feel

i hate that it's been so long and the feelings I have for you

though they're waning  

are still somewhat strong

i hate you

go away nine

you'll never be mine  

I need someone who wants me forever

who wants my attention

my heart to keep

not someone who just wants to fuck me in the back of their jeep

you say you like me but talk is cheap

sorry I got you caught up in my games  

I don't think you should be that sad  

after all dark hidden kisses is all that we had

please don't be mad

i can't give you something I myself haven't had  

Idk why I'm so bothered by everything

i think I just feel fooled

or like my ego was on some shit and then that happened and now I feel like shit

it was in front of me the whole time

i just never took the time to dig

i presumed that since Oregon I should've trusted my instinct

i was scared for a reason

my soul knew  

that day I went home feeling numb

like I thought I'd take something away from what we shared but I didn't feel anything other than guilt about kind of sneaking out w/o telling my grandpa I was leaving  

this is instant karma

yesterday I ran into Jenny and she said Isaac said he saw me

its crazy cause I wrote about him yesterday my nine

even last night when I went out

i feel like I was searching for him in the crowds  

hoping to catch a glimpse  

I thought it'd make me feel better

either cause he looked all shot out

or cause I thought I'd get to turn him down

even though I wrote about him yesterday

i spent time wt 19 but I kept thinking about my nine

i wanted to do positions that my nine and I did