I don’t love you as if you were a rose of salt, topaz,

or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:

I love you as one loves certain obscure things,

secretly, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that doesn’t bloom but carries

the light of those flowers, hidden, within itself,

and thanks to your love the tight aroma that arose

from the earth lives dimly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,

I love you directly without problems or pride:

I love you like this because I don’t know any other way to love,

except in this form in which I am not nor are you,

so close that your hand upon my chest is mine,

so close that your eyes close with my dreams.

Pablo Neruda

No te amo como si fueras rosa de sal, topacio
o flecha de claveles que propagan el fuego:
te amo como se aman ciertas cosas oscuras,
secretamente, entre la sombra y el alma.

Te amo como la planta que no florece y lleva
dentro de sí, escondida, la luz de aquellas flores,
y gracias a tu amor vive oscuro en mi cuerpo
el apretado aroma que ascendió de la tierra.

Te amo sin saber cómo, ni cuándo, ni de dónde,
te amo directamente sin problemas ni orgullo:
así te amo porque no sé amar de otra manera,

sino así de este modo en que no soy ni eres,
tan cerca que tu mano sobre mi pecho es mía,
tan cerca que se cierran tus ojos con mi sueño.

I’m exhausted so I’ll have to make this quick but I have to get some things off my chest. I can’t believe the way things are aligning I’m so grateful. I know I should be devastated and worried about Starbucks but I’m aware that I was too comfortable there and I’ve been living beneath my capacity. I’m thankful for my Dad and the moment we shared when I put my pride aside and let him know that I might need help. Hopefully that’s not the case but I’m proud of myself that I even reached out to him. He’s always the first person I want to talk to when I have crazy shit happen. I’m grateful I’m level-headed enough to suck shit up and hold it together while I had to work through my 8 hr shift knowing I’m fired. I passed the courthouse that day while on the freeway and sent amor y blessings, good luck not even knowing what I was walking into. I think I’ve had so much anxiety about this whole court thing and my head wasn’t in the game. But ultimately I know I don’t like to snitch people out especially if I know they’re going to get fired and that’s just a part of the job. I’ve been over it since the dress code changed. I think the job has been robbing me of my color and of my light. They robbed me of my freedom of expression. I love putting together an outfit. I’m excited to paint my nails again. I’ve been making moves and working even though I have enough money to make it I need to hustle. Get in where I fit in aaaayyyyeeee lmao I’m relieved in a lot of ways. Ever since I was put on my first and final I have been stressed. I’ve never had more canas in my life. That’s why I’ve been dyeing my hair. They’ve been adding more and more to what we need to do yet no increase in pay or hours. I’ve been hella over it. I would have never had the balls to leave. I’m proud of the growth I’ve demonstrated by incando me a decirle a mi papa aun que me da vergüenza since I’ve never failed a class or been fired. I know that this doesn’t take away from my work ethic or who I am as a person. I think this is my Grandpa pushing me to be close with my Dad again. I’m so blessed. I keep seeing 222 and I know I’m being watched over. I was so fucking happy to know that everything was dismissed. He didn’t deserve that. Everything happens for a reason though. I prayed for this to happen for so long I can’t believe it’s finally over. I wish him the best. I prayed for him to be free from this and be happy even if it wasn’t with me. He never deserved any of this. I hope it’s changed him for the better and he’s grown from it. Things can only go up from here. I’m so proud of him. I have nothing but love for him. He deserves the world. I’m a better person because I came to know him. Forever grateful to have crossed paths with him even if we never do again. I had so much anxiety from this shit. It feels good to be over. Not gonna lie me quede con las ganas de verlo otra vez. Quiero ver si todavía corre mi corazón con ver sus ojitos de miel y verde.

“‘Tis better to have loved and lost

Than never to have loved at all.”