Saturday’s have been my day off but today was kind of hectic. I was trying to see my Dad, clean Kari’s, clean my house, ship things out, etc. I did most things I wanted to. I’m disappointed in myself for not being there more for my family. It was hard to see my Tia Gloria and know that I haven’t been there for her in the ways that I should’ve been. I know my Grandpa is around though because I saw 222 when I was walking them to their car and we ran into a beautiful Gardenia around the corner. I miss him. I miss the warm moments the three of us shared. I felt like such a piece of shit. I feel like a piece of shit. I should’ve been there more. I can’t change anything now all I can do is just try to be more present and give people an opportunity to get to know me. I hate the idea that people think I’m lying about why I got fired like I stole something. I was telling Kacey how I can see it on people’s faces that they don’t think I’m telling the truth like they think I stole money or something. She said, “then they don’t know you amiga because you would never steal and even Kari said the same thing so people who think that just don’t know who you are”
I’m sad that my Tia Gloria doesn’t recognize me. I’m sad that my family doesn’t really know me and they have these misconceptions of who they think I am. I hope she gets well soon. I hope my cousin knows how much his mom loves him. He’s such a great person and he deserves the world. He’s kind and compassionate and I hope he finds everything he’s looking for in this life.
