Im excited to finally have a day off on Monday. I’m really glad I had that talk with Mikayla today I needed some girl time after all this work I’ve been putting in. It feels good to lend an ear and share some of my experiences. I had forgotten some of the thing I’d put myself through by not standing up for myself or shrinking myself down because I was afraid it would push people I cared about away. In describing how I was settling for less with Isaac in that all he had to do that night was apologize to me and I would’ve gotten back with him despite all the times he disrespected me for whatever reason I was so surprised that he did it again. I was telling her how sad I felt for 20 some y/o me that the bar was set so low. In saying that I realized that even though I had similarly felt slighted or disrespected by this last person I still offered them another opportunity which they didn’t take. They literally told me they didn’t want to be with me and I still wanted them; how sad. Still want them. It shows me that though I’m proud of all my progress I still have a ways to go. I love myself more than I ever have in my life and I have peace, love, and happiness. I thought I found peace in their arms. I finally feel real peace unburdened love. True joy in my own company and all of the things I provide myself with. It would take a lot for me to risk losing this peace that’s taken me so long to achieve. I’m just a little soft-hearted romantic maybe it’s pride too I want to believe that they realized their mistake and want to make up for it. I thought I was falling in love like really for the first time. I’ve overcome this heartbreak and I’m grateful to the person it pushed me to become and all of the ways I pushed myself to grow.
