Danny and I had the most beautiful day yesterday. I woke up at 2AM and Danny got here around 3:10 we went to Jack’s Gas for ice, a pizza pocket, and chicken&rice. We headed out to Moro Rock. We arrived around 5 something and quickly reached the top. We thought we were going to be the first ones there but we were the second. There was a girl there alone. In hindsight that’s very inspiring. Anyways despite being second I think we had the best seats in the house. Little by little people began trickling in as we neared the sunrise. Then a group of loud annoying girls almost killed the vibes but thankfully they left right before the sun rose. At one point they even started Facetiming someone all loud, Danny was like, “That bitch must have Verizon” lmfao I was dead that was so funny. I almost forgot how I hit my head on the rail when we went under it to watch from outside the railing. I was laughing to myself this morning about how Danny wanted me to stop taking pictures at one point and I kept going on purpose hahaha then a few photos later I was like, “Hey remember that time you were like trying to get me to stop taking photos and I never did?” We laughed and he apologized I understood that he was just trying to keep it down. The view was amazing; you could see Lake Kaweah. At one point I thought he was trying to lean in for a kiss, but never actually did. From there we went to Crescent Meadows and Tunnel Log. We went to Potwisha to the spot we hit when it was Danny, Kevin, and I. We lucked out and it was available, but I was so irritated at the state that people had left it in. Danny cleaned most of it and I helped. We were relaxing and getting ready to tan our butts when a whole village of children appeared and a lady who didn’t know how to swim. I thought they’d leave but I heard them say more people were coming. I told Danny that I was no longer enjoying my experience and wanted to leave to find a new spot. He felt guilty leaving in case something happened to them. We waited til the rest of their group came then dipped. We found a nice spot in the shade at the top of the waterfall just past the bridge. We set up to take a nap. I can never sleep soundly out there. I’m always afraid of nature or the Zodiac Killer. Danny slept and I sunbathed and prayed for someone I’ve had my mind on so much lately. I worried about why I’d been thinking about them so much and just want to make sure they’re protected and safe. Danny woke up and took a dip in the river. I just let my hair run with the river. I was scared I’d fall in in my sleep or that the river would take me. We started making the sandwiches they were delicious. It was when we were eating them that Danny discovered a little snake that had hiding in the branches that had been shading us. Danny realized some weird bugs had gotten into his underwear and I tried to use a towel to cover him so he could check more but there was kids galore. I think he was over it after that so we dipped out. We started down the mountain around 2. I think we got home close to 3:30 or something. I had such a wonderful time. I felt like we actually got to experience so much. It’s kind of crazy the things we saw and experience in a time span of 12 hours. Our butts didn’t get to tan the way we had wanted them to so we’re trying to look into spots that are more secluded for our next adventure. He had plans to go watch a movie in Tulare with his friend and Des was coming over for a craft night. We caught up and talked about the ways we’ve grown since we’ve seen each other. I’m proud of us for the work we’ve been putting in to grow as people. I was honest with her about some things in regard to him which I was proud of being able to admit to her that initially my sobriety from alcohol started as a response to an incident where I got drunk and put myself in a position of potential danger, but also as an exchange for helping him in his court shit. How I’m grateful that I made the decision to do the shadow work because it’s not okay to want to end your life because someone doesn’t want to be with you. I had to learn to love myself or I’d just waste away. She said something that I didn’t respond to because while I agree, I don’t think it’s healthy for me to think. She said, “I do think he cared about you, I just think he got scared too". I admitted that I didn’t go to her birthday bbq because I was afraid of seeing him. She said that it’s not a big deal shit happened and everyone knows about it but that we both need to just I am assuming she’s wanting us to act like nothing happened. I told her that I’ve done so much work on myself and have grown so much I don’t know how I’d react to seeing him. Today Danny said his friend asked if I was his girlfriend or what he felt towards me, he also wanted to know if Des wanted to know if he was my boyfriend. He said he told his friend did but he was afraid to make a move. I think I was in a sense shocked because I genuinely didn’t know he felt like that. I had been telling Des how I love how I am when I’m around him. He’s everything I’d want in a partner. My only concerns are not knowing whether or not I can take him seriously. I wonder if he really has romantic feelings for me or if he’s just sexually curious about being with a woman. My other concern is that I don’t know if I can forget about z. I want to so badly but so much time has passed, way more than we ever shared. Not a day goes by that he doesn’t cross my mind. I love the time I share with Danny and I’m so present and grounded when I’m experiencing nature with him and I do truly enjoy his company and how comfortable we are around each other. I always have a moment where I reflect on how I’m disappointed that I never got to experience the mountains with z. I wonder if I’ll ever even see him again. Sometimes I think I don’t want to, but I know that’s not true. I love Danny as a friend and I know I could grow to love him as more than that I just get scared that he’s lying to me. I can’t help but think that I’m blocking my blessings. The heart wants what the heart wants. I pray that we’re either brought back together already or I just forget him. I wonder if that’s why I’ve been blessed with Danny. Who I’m so so grateful to have I truly am. I just don’t know if I want to open that door, because there’s no going back from it. I would hate to lose him as a friend if things didn’t work out.