I’ve been struggling to overcome these feelings due to back to back incidents. I’m scared of how I feel. What I’m going to feel when we see one another again. I’m afraid I’m wasting even more of my time on someone who doesn’t deserve it; I still feel like I’m doing the right thing though. I think it’s important for me to take these next 8 days to really focus on myself. Self love, nurturing, and preparing myself for how that day could potentially play out. Here and there I keep getting flash backs of this time last year. I wish I knew how much time this will take to heal. I’ve grown so much over the course of these months. I’m proud of myself. I’m grateful for the time we shared. It served as a mirror to the ways I needed to grow. I’ve been focusing on finding my inner balance of the feminine and masculine. I’m better about setting boundaries, and being honest about where I want to be, or how I wish to devote my energy. I’ve been practicing telling myself loving things every day. Developing better strategies to navigate my emotions, asking myself, “What am I afraid this means about me?”, whenever anxiety rises. Structure, focus, goals, and most importantly action. Applauding myself every time I make better choices that are more aligned with my true morals and inner compass. I’m anxious because despite all of this time I still have strong feelings for him, and I’m afraid of those feelings not being reciprocated. I’m also afraid of looking dumb in front of my friends again. I question if or how I can truly love myself when I’m actively hoping things will somehow resolve themselves between us. I’ve tried to go on dates with other guys, or even just casual attempts to move on. I haven’t been able to forget about the time we shared. Though it was fleeting, I’m so grateful to have experienced such tenderness.