It’s interesting to be unburdened from heartbreak. I thought it’d take me longer to get to this point. I think it’s just hard when you’ve been manifesting and wasting your time wishful thinking. Ultimately, it just wasn’t meant to be. I wanted it so badly I let myself think I could manifest it or something. Now that so much time has passed, I think I’ve come to realize that it just meant more to me than it really was. If he cared, he would have said something that day. I thought maybe he was still hurt about me not talking to him and was being a brat. If someone’s okay with letting something go over immaturity then it really wasn’t something they were afraid of losing. I couldn’t bear the thought of potentially losing him so I reached out that day. It wasn’t reciprocated. Not knowing how he’s doing, or what he’s thinking had been killing me. It still stings a little but not in the way it had been. As I reflect on what I’m thankful for, I also realize that while I don’t want to do nonsense on the dating apps anymore, I’m within my right to do so and the guy that I get with afterwards; it’s none of their business. I can download Grindr again if I want to and I’d rather get with someone who embraces my open sexuality than someone who would try to shrink me down and make me feel insecure about my sexual expression or exploration. I’m just ready to be happy with the direction of my life. I’m going to keep myself busy with work. I’m proud of myself for the growth I’ve pushed myself to. I just want to completely let go of Z. I feel like I’m at the end of it. I thought it’d just take us some time to get back together, but it meant more to me. He never liked me the way I cared for him. Maybe he just went for it to make sure he didn’t like me, he saw that he didn’t. Even if my narrative is true that he was just hurt with me that I’d be so willing to walk away. It wasn’t what I wanted to do. I just felt like I wasn’t getting the reassurance I wanted in the time that I wanted it. If he did like me and was just hurt I would hope that he cared enough about us to reach out to me. He doesn’t. I just have to accept that. I’ve been through harder heartbreaks and losses, this is just another one for the books. I just needed to find myself. The love I put out into the universe will return to me. I’m putting my faith in the universe. I just needed to heal in certain ways to reach my highest potential. I’ll always have love for him, I just can’t keep being in love with him anymore, I need to save that space for myself. He doesn’t deserve me if he’s not willing to push past his pride.