I need to apply myself to writing daily I feel like I’ve got so much to say and get off my chest. I’m feeling like I’m finally healing from my heartbreak maybe Elda’s right. I can see my growth and the ways that my personal development has been improving my life. I finally reached out to Bridget and at first I didn’t think she was going to respond but she did and it went really well. Next is my Tias. I hope that goes well too. I also made myself proud because I’ve had a little crush on this guy who delivers to our store sometimes, he always gives me little flirty vibes. I was sitting in my car on my 30 when he pulled up and there he was already all smiling aaaaalll cute at me. I was like oh damn I better go hang out in cafe and say something. I ended up going to hang out in the back and before he left I asked him what his name was and we introduced ourselves. I told him I’d see him next time. Lmao today we were all laughing because they said I had him all flustered since he forgot our whole RP order. He was back like 20 minutes later. He was blushing from embarrassment lmao. I had him all twisted like Keith Sweat hahaha. Theeeeenn I think he thought I was going to give him my number or something because I had to go tell him that he couldn’t leave the order on the pallet or he’d get written up. When he saw me he lit up lol then I told him and he said he’d take the write up. I thought he was going to be there today so I curled my hair and did my make-up all cute. I’m just shocked that I even said anything to him at all. It demonstrates how I’m building my self-confidence. I’m also proud that I know that after things ended with Isaac I didn’t ever want to be with someone because I actually liked them or was ready for a new chance at love it was always either to make him jealous or until I thought he would come around. Which is nuts because in a sense I was just waiting for him. I’m proud of myself for being open for new opportunities. I genuinely feel like the universe is rewarding me for the work and healing that I’m generating. I had a few minor setbacks in regards to the heartbreak but I’m just going to push forward in the large scheme of things they weren’t big setbacks they were just an opportunity for me to see how quickly I can propel myself into a negative space should I allow myself to. I know what predictable outcomes would come of such behaviors. To an extent I knew that if I went looking for something I was potentially going to find something that was detrimental to my mental health and I lowkey did. Not anything I was certain about, but I just need to focus on the things that uplift me not trigger my biggest insecurities. If I continue to do the work the Universe will continue to reward me. I am grateful for my growth. I appreciate the things/people I have in my life. Also grateful for the fact that I’m able to communicate with people better even in regards to my disappointment, Amelia was trying to cancel Yosemite tomorrow with me and I was just tripping out on her cause you’re really trying to tell me only a few hours before and want me to not be upset. The old me would’ve been like fine and hung up. I addressed the reasons why I was disappointed and tried to come to a compromise which is what we did, and now we’re just going a little later, I’m going to drive so she can handle some work over the phone, and I let her know that some of her behaviors lately and lack of communication have been really bothering me. I’ve expressed myself, we compromised, and now we’re going to enjoy our day as planned. Also, there’s a guy who I’m not sure if he’s love bombing me but I’m flattered that he’s been trying so hard to try to take me out and get to know me. I’m giving him a chance too. When the girls came over the other night I realized that there have been a few guys that have liked me and tried to express that to me and I’m going to do better about opening my heart and being more kind. Also focus on being honest with men about why I don’t see us working out instead of just ghosting them. While it is easier than confronting the issue, it’d make me feel better as a human being.