Had a great time out at the river minus having to get a new phone. I know I needed one it’s just an unexpected cost. It may just be the push I needed to really start looking for my big girl job. I want to start making more money so I can have more financial freedom to do all the things I want to do. I just have to push myself. I’ve been doing better in terms of the heart though. I think in some ways it was good for me to hang out with the girls the other day. I have mixed feelings about it actually. I was a good time, but they do remind me of him. I couldn’t sleep. I did good about not naming him though I just said I was dealing with heartbreak but didn’t say who. I just want to feel better already but I know it’s going to take some time. I am putting feelers out there though so maybe my Tia Elda is right, un clavo saca otro clavo. It’s hard though when your heart was set on something for so long. It’s going to take time to unravel that. I reflect on how this time last year though I was all twisted over Jose so it’s just going to take me some time. I deserve someone who is willing to give me grace. I also needed to grow and heal from my trauma wounds from childhood. I’m rewiring my brain. Every day I read my affirmations. I spent 32 years hating on myself so I can’t expect that in two months I’m going to love myself. Especially, when I’ve been harboring a lot of guilt from the way things ended between us. I have to accept that I’ll never know if he was just gaslighting me or if he really felt like that. If he did then, that’s his right also. I wonder if Chris is right that I can’t hang out with the girls anymore. At least until I’m fully over it. We’ll see what happens. I still enjoy their company. I think it’s important to have a sense of community. I do need to focus on personal development, and that should be my first priority above everything. Trying to trust that the universe has something better to offer me. Abundance is coming my way.