What an amazing day at work. I laughed so hard. I didn’t know I could laugh that hard anymore. Sometimes I think I’ve seen and heard it all, that nothing’s funny anymore. Only if I’m with my closest friends or family. It felt good. It was a deep hearty laugh. I had to stop myself since I was at work. I’ve been cracking myself up lately. Today with my co-workers we were just bullshitting and cracking jokes. I was laughing so hard about something one of them said that I asked, “Have you guys seen Pee and Keele?” I didn’t even realize what I said until like a min later. I was laughing at myself because I couldn’t believe I said it like that since it’s one of my favorite shows. What a great day. I wish I could work alongside them all the time, I know I wouldn’t appreciate them as much as I do if it was like that though. It feels good to be able to connect with people and be honest about who I am, who I’ve been, and who I’m in the process of becoming. Hearing their struggles, and the things they’ve passed through; shared experiences - traumas or wounds. Being able to confide in one another, laugh together, vent, and share space. I’m grateful and blessed. I haven’t felt this way at work or happy in the work place probably since the early days of working at Martha’s. Or what I consider the golden age of it when it was fun and laughter, the only stressful thing was our boss being a hater sometimes lol. Having fun while making money. The first Starbucks I worked at was a good time too. It was worth the 40 min drive because I knew I was in for some laughs. Maybe it’s the relief of releasing the things I’d been repressing for years. Doing the emotional labor of forgiving my parents, grieving who I wish they could’ve been for me; teaching myself the things I wish they’d taught me. Appreciating the things they did do. Sometimes I get so lost in the rage I forget they joy they’ve brought me too. It feels great to be in good standing with them. Being able to call them just to see how they’re doing. I feel lighter. The weight of shame, guilt, and remorse is slowly lifting from my heart. I remind myself every day of the things I deserve. I was nervous about my film prints, I’m so happy about the way things turned out. There’s some stunning shots in there. I love my Nikon Em, but I can definitely tell what was shot on the Canon T50. There’s something beautiful about the fact that my childhood photos were shot on it too. It’s been on this journey of life. I did accidentally turn in a roll that I hadn’t shot yet so they gave me store credit and I got to keep my negatives so I’ll pick them up on my way out to the bay on Saturday. It’s going to be my first pride event. I think Livy’s excited too since I’ll spend some time with her on Saturday. I’m not sure what has her down, but it feels good to know my friends feel comfortable turning to me to uplift them. It’s part of building a strong chosen family. I’m not going to get down on myself for forgetting how blessed I am, but sometimes when I’m sad I need to look around and see that I’m luckier than the average person to have to many amazing people in my life. People who I love and cherish, and who reciprocate that.