Woke up earlier than expected. Still no memorable dreams. I keep asking my ancestors to meet me in my dreams for guidance. I haven’t seen results, or none that I can recollect. My studies today were asking me to be honest about the things I’m lying to others or to myself about. The main thing that sticks out is that I’m healing from my heartbreak. I am and every day has been easier but today was rough. It’s shocking that it’s already been a month since we’ve talked. That was a very hard conversation for me. I’m still not proud of myself for how it ended. Me telling him to leave me alone. I didn’t mean that, I was hurt and felt rejected. I had been completely vulnerable and really put my heart out there. It was either too late, an excuse, or I’d hurt someone so deeply with rejection that they wanted me to feel as low as they did after discovering that I’d blocked them. Divine timing is crazy. I’m trying to listen to my intuition and let go of control, it’s just hard to configure everything. I believe everything happens for a reason. I don’t have to long for things because what is mine is already destined for me. Trying to push myself to let go. I’m just torn. In my writing I talked about how I came across this video that moved me because it was describing love today as being so confusing. Riddled with games and dishonesty. I’m not sure if it was just the times but the older man speaking probably grew up around WW2 times. They didn’t know if they were going to be sent off to war, or bombed. If they loved someone they told them, if they missed someone - they reached out to them. They didn’t waste time waiting around or wondering how people felt. They wore their hearts on their sleeves. I keep teetering on whether or not I should go this Sunday because he may or may not be there. If he does go I guess I wouldn’t even know what to say or do. I keep hearing MF Doom say, “Follow your heart”. My heart says go and just see what happens. I’m also feeling like I should stay away and let myself heal. Let myself just get over him. Do the opposite of what might be expected of me. I know that’s just me listening to others. I had such a good day at work. Laughing and getting along with everyone. I was shocked to see his sister at first I was like where do I know this girl from. I think we were both equally shocked. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I don’t know what the universe means by this. Is this a message to go? I don’t even want to hope that he’ll be there. I feel like I’ll be disappointed if he’s not, but I’ll let myself down if he goes and I play it cool. If I do go I just can’t have any expectations other than to share space with my friends and share some laughter. I’ll just have to see how the day plays out. I’m not sure how long my Dad will be in town. If Jon V will want to go on the paddle boat. I’m going to follow my heart and trust my intuition. Be grounded in the present. Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed I’m not going to worry about future problems. I just have to continue to work towards my progress.