Well, tomorrow marks one month since I’ve spoken to him. More than a month since I’ve seen him. I miss him terribly. I honestly didn’t think things would end so quickly between us. I’m relinquishing control or acknowledging that I have no control over what happens in this life. What’s meant for me is already mine. If love is real between two people nothing can keep them apart: people, time, or fears. I’ve changed so much in such a short amount of time. I’m proud of my growth. I’m proud of my strength. It’s been so hard to stay away, or not try to reach out. Not spy on his Instagram. I don’t think I’ve looked at it since before the LA trip. Basking in gratitude. I’m grateful for the nature that’s been healing me. I love putting my head in the water and letting my hair dance in the water currents. I ask mother nature to transmute in the ways that only she knows how. Turn my pain into self-love the way she turns death to flowers. Ground me. Help me be present. Look for the answers in myself, and in nature. The river doesn’t stop because a tree fell, it goes around it or pushes through it. I’ve been showing up for myself in ways that demonstrate the work I’ve been doing is working. I’m loving the person I’m blooming into. I’ve missed my Dad. I’m thankful to be given the opportunity to show up for one another again. Thankful to the boys and the grace they’ve given me. I love the laughs we’ve shared. Blessed to have such amazing people surrounding me. I laughed so hard today at work. I love girl’s night. I’m surrounded by love in so many ways. I’m not without. I’m so blessed. I can’t stop thinking about the book I read, When I Sing, Mountains Dance. I’m so sad that it’s over. It’s so beautifully written. I keep reflecting on the last chapters, and the different perspectives. So much time can pass, and people can move through so many changes in their lives, but if the red strings are still pulling at the heart; two souls who are destined to be will find their way back to one another. In The Crow, Sarah says, “…if love proves real, two people who are meant to be together, nothing can keep them apart…” I’ve just found acceptance in letting go because divine timing is never wrong. How else can you explain us making it to Yosemite the day before they start to require reservations? Proud of myself for the re-parenting I’ve been doing for myself and getting myself the sweater I wanted from years ago. Healing my old wounds and loving myself in ways that other people just may not be capable of, and that’s okay. Finding peace in acceptance. Accepting who people are. Moving in ways that demonstrate self-love. Finding peace in not getting what I want in the timing that I want, because it could mean more to me later on. The sweater means more to me now, because it signifies the work I’m doing, and how I don’t need to rely on others for the love I want. The love I seek lives in me.