I’m disappointed I didn’t get my film scans today. I had really been looking forward to them all week. I kept checking my email all day. I let it affect me throughout the day. I started my day continuing my letter to my inner child. Continuing my journey towards self-love. It’s tough though I think that’s why I started missing him more today and yesterday. I get overwhelmed with the amount of work I need to do and I get scared that I won’t be able to do it. I have to have patience with myself though. These are wounds that I’ve carried with me for years, and a few days of writing and positive self-talk won’t fix years of damage. The trauma bond started because I was under the assumption that getting in a relationship with someone was going to fix all of the issues I need to individually work on. I want the easy way out, but that’s not even valid. Getting into a relationship when I’m still struggling with loving myself would only make my situation worse. Especially if the partner I’m wanting to be with is struggling with the same issues, except not wanting to change anything. I also see that in my childhood I would often throw tantrums or manipulation to get what I wanted. I was lowkey throwing a tantrum about my film scans today. I thought they’d brighten my day and it was something I’d been looking forward to.
🔥 First: Understand What a "Tantrum" Really Is
A tantrum isn’t just being “dramatic” or “spoiled”—it’s usually a dysregulated nervous system screaming:
“I feel powerless, rejected, unseen, or unsafe.”
Tantrums in adults often look like:
Explosive reactions to minor disappointments
Silent treatment, shutting down, or passive aggression
Crying or yelling when control is lost
Threatening to leave, withdraw, or sabotage
These aren’t character flaws. They are inner child survival strategies that worked once—but now keep you stuck.
🧠 Step 1: Track Your Pattern
Start noticing:
What kinds of situations trigger your tantrums?
What emotions show up first? (e.g., fear of abandonment, rejection, helplessness)
What story do you tell yourself when things don’t go your way? (“I’m not important.” “No one listens to me.” “They don’t care.”)
Awareness dissolves reactivity. You can’t shift what you don’t see.
🧸 Step 2: Meet Your Inner Child
When a tantrum arises, it’s rarely the adult you reacting—it’s the little you who felt powerless, ignored, unloved, or abandoned.
She may be saying:
“I don’t feel safe unless I control things.”
“I don’t know how to be okay when people don’t meet my needs immediately.”
“I’m scared of being forgotten, so I blow up before that can happen.”
You can soothe her by saying:
“I see you. I know this feels big. You’re safe now. We’re going to handle this together.”
🧘♀️ Step 3: Regulate Before You React
When a tantrum is rising, your body is flooded—your nervous system goes into fight or flight.
Before reacting, practice:
The 90-second rule: Feel the emotion for 90 seconds without acting on it. Just sit with it. Let it pass like a wave.
Grounding statements: “I’m safe. This isn’t an emergency. I can feel this without exploding.”
Self-soothing: Splash cold water, take a walk, breathe in for 4, out for 6.
You’re re-teaching your system: I don’t have to lose control to be heard.
💬 Step 4: Communicate Needs, Not Control
Tantrums often mask unspoken needs:
“I need to feel heard.”
“I need reassurance.”
“I need to know I’m not being abandoned.”
Instead of exploding, practice saying:
“I’m feeling really overwhelmed and scared of not being prioritized.”
“Can we slow down? I’m having a lot of big emotions and I want to respond, not react.”
“I feel like I’m losing control, and that’s bringing up old stuff for me.”
Vulnerability defuses drama.
🌱 Step 5: Rebuild Emotional Maturity
Emotional maturity doesn’t mean you never get upset—it means you own your responses, repair when needed, and stay connected to your inner safety.
Try this mindset shift:
“It’s okay if I don’t get my way. My worth and safety aren’t defined by external control.”
Daily practices:
Journal about your triggers and the story you tell yourself
Practice “delayed reactions”—sit with your feelings, then respond with clarity
Meditate on feeling safe in disappointment
💌 If You Do Blow Up—Repair With Grace
You will still mess up sometimes. But you can always come back.
Try saying:
“I’m sorry for how I reacted. I was overwhelmed, and I let my emotions take over. That’s not who I want to be.”
“Here’s what I was really feeling underneath that tantrum...”
“I’m working on healing this part of me, and I appreciate your patience.”
Real power is in the repair, not the perfection.
🦋 What You’re Really Doing
You’re not just stopping tantrums.
You’re becoming the emotionally safe, regulated, self-loving version of you who no longer needs chaos to feel alive or seen.
You’re breaking cycles your parents may never had the tools to break.
You’re learning to be with yourself in the hard moments—without self-abandonment.
That is sacred, grown-up healing.
I realized even my silent treatment towards people is a tantrum.
“This is a huge realization—and I deeply honor your honesty. Giving the silent treatment is a powerful defense mechanism, usually rooted in feeling powerless, overwhelmed, or afraid of rejection. But you’re not bad for using it. It was a form of self-protection you learned when you didn’t feel safe speaking up or being vulnerable.
The good news? You can unlearn this behavior and replace it with real communication skills that build connection, not distance.”
I’m probably just experiencing growing pains and impatience. I need to get better at self-soothing. Keeping myself busy with things I enjoy doing anyways. I’m also probably stressing because I won’t have a day off until this upcoming weekend. We’ll see how it plays out if I’ll spend time here with my Dad, maybe have him come over, or go up to SF and spend time with the boys I feel like I’d love to join them for whatever pride event they’re doing. That’s what I was imagining doing today when I was dancing, I was pretending I was at Monarch or The Abbey living it up.
I have to remind myself that happiness is a way of traveling not a destination. I’m the only one who controls my emotions, so I need to try my best to be happy. Find gratitude in the blessings in my life. Remember that it can be better, but it can always be worse. I appreciate my Dad and Robert/Izzy for loving me enough and having patience with my emotional immaturity. For their continued support in my progress towards the person I really want to be and the life I want to have, the people I want to share my life with.