As my trip is approaching I am beginning to question certain things about myself, the world, and my inner circle. I was imagining myself being interviewed in which I’m asked who my friends are - to which I answer that I have none. I imagined myself saying that I once had friends but even then were they even good friends? I’m sure there are people who would read this and be offended but it’s true. When was the last time I had someone other than family hit me up to see how I was doing? I mean Adri did randomly the other day but then she never responded to my many text messages. I called Samara and she didn’t answer; she called me back and text me but at that point I was already like eh well whatever typical. Evette didn’t even respond to me when I told her my grandpa had just passed away. They don’t really care about me or how I’m doing. I’ve been very quiet about my trip on social media. I did this so that if these people did want to see or hang out before they would do it because they wanted to not because they want to hear about what I’m going to be doing. I don’t want people to meet up with me because I’m going to Paris, I want them to meet up with me because they care about my feelings, my well-being, my friendship. I’ll begin to post pictures and I’m sure people will be like omg we have to hang out when you come back so I can hear about your trip - why? You didn’t care to see me before, why now? It’s strange this complex that I have where I want to hang out with people then when I hang out I’m like man I had this, this, and this to do and now I spent all that time hanging out with so and so. Anyways I have no friends; just family and my dogs are my best friends. This is what I have concluded. There’s nothing wrong with that. I’m not sad that I’m not friends with Jovanna or Natalie anymore or other friends from the past why should I stress over these people? Especially when I have such a great adventure ahead of me. When I come back I am going to try to get more involved in the community and make friends closer to me so I don’t have to be sad about these people who are too far and busy to seem to care about what I’m doing.(11/19/19)