I was conducting a social experiment to see how people would treat me if I didn't conform to society's idea of beauty, and I found that the experiment was more within myself. I would tell people and show some people that I was really comfortable with the length that I had grown my armpit hair to, but I was still hesitant to show my armpits anywhere else. I would look at myself and not really like what I saw because I've never liked being hairy. I don't know if the root of that lies with the fact that at an early age I saw that hair on women was frowned upon. I remember in 5th grade there was this guy named Gremlin who was making fun of this girl in my class cause her arms were so hairy. Later on in high school she was always shaving her arms and everything else I guess, but was that a result of her humiliation? In a video I posted a few days ago Dylan Klebold's mom stated that humiliation is felt deeper than happiness or sadness. Maybe as a result of her humiliation, and my own because my mom didn't let me start shaving until 6th grade when I was going to go to Scicon. Come to think of it this guy named David Corpus made fun of my legs being hairy when we were playing softball one day during PE. I told my mom and mentioned I was going to be going to scicon and she agreed to let me shave my legs. I guess what I'm wondering is how the idea of hair being unappealing entered into my mind, and why it's managed to stick even after all these years. For the last couple of weeks, I've wanted to wear certain outfits, but I end up changing my mind because I didn't want people to see my armpit hair. I started the experiment to see how people would treat me differently, but the reality is I already knew what their reaction would be and the idea of the disgust and mistreatment scared me so much that I would alter my outfits to where no one even knew about the experiment but myself. Tonight I caved. I caved when the question of how this experiment was influencing me came into play. The answer is it truly was hurting my confidence. I didn't feel beautiful. I know that I should love myself anyways hairy or not, but it was some shit that was really weighing on me. I can see how humiliation can drive people to alter their appearance, even things like FGM. In one of the videos I posted about FGM a mother takes her daughter to get mutilated after kids at school start laughing at her daughter for having a 'third leg' or not being circumcised. I was humiliated at school for having hairy legs so my mom let me remove my factor of humiliation. Obviously me removing hair from my body is in no way, shape, or form on the same level of removing parts of my vagina, but I guess I'm just saying that it gave me new insight as to what drives women to feel like this behavior is acceptable. It's like conform or be forced into a state of negativity about yourself. Feeling ostracized for your individuality. The drive to be normal; conforming. I caved; I shaved.