And you are
I don't want the words you said to be true
I don't want to be a distraction to you, but you distract me
so maybe I wanted you to feel the same - not distracted from your responsibilities but from your insecurities
I know we live too far away, but I was willing to go the distance
I liked your honesty, but it didn't make it hurt any less
you are an inspiration, your drive, your ambition, your carefree nature
there's no time
time was created by man, but it looks like they don't have any to spare for me
I'm afraid to look into your eyes
they're like the sun's reflection bouncing off my favorite creek onto my favorite trees, beaming out from my favorite muse
"he has eyes like the sun that melt my heart" - 8.27.17
I wrote that about you
you inspire me to be a better person
I want to be physical wt you but that part of me is locked away scared that you're just looking for that side of me and not the other complexities that embody my little old soul
I understand all your concerns but I don't understand how I can reassure you that I see past all of that
I love that you have goals - it makes me want to reach mine faster
I love that you see your family and your future as a priority - it inspires me to do the same
maybe you're not the one
but the light of your eyes unearthed the tenderness I've been longing to try
heartbreak always forces me to drive myself into my work
my heartache for the loss of the relationship wt my dad drove me to build this website
my heartache for feeling like I wasn't good enough for Isaac pushed me to do things that set me on the path that I'm on in life right now
this don't take shit from men
be a strong independent woman who doesn't give a fuck
except I started to not give any fucks
for anyone
not even myself
I made choices that I can't say I regret because regret is denial of self
every boy after Isaac still made me look back
what is he doing
do you think he misses me
do you think he regrets missing out on all we could've had
has he said anything on social media that refers to him regretting the way he treated me
you drove me to block him on all social media bc his opinion didn't matter anymore - just yours
I just wish you'd give me a chance to drown your insecurities the way you helped curve the biggest one I had weighing me down
I shouldn't cry because maybe this heartbreak will push me to follow the love that I've been needing to follow all along
the love for my work
my little projects that forever go unfinished because I'm too busy trying to give my time and love away to other endeavors in the hopes that I'll get at best a small portion of the love I gave
you freed me from a heart full of scorn and regret
you are different
you make me want to be different
I've learned so much from you and I don't even know you
you don't even know you
I don't even know me
I thought we could find each other
now I'm just finding myself
and that's okay
I'll always be okay
I'll always be awesome as long as I allow myself to be sometimes I just forget
it's easy to forget
I have to find balance
I have to find me
I have to find my dreams
I have
I can take chances
I can pave the way to my destiny
I have me
all I need is already within me
I can't find myself in someone else
open myself
so I don't get lost in my-cell-f