Epitome of Whom I Never Want to Be
Disappointment has always been my truth. It's crazy how you can look up to someone so deeply, and want to impress someone or at least somewhat live up to or touch on some of the expectations people expect you to live up to; when those people have no idea how life works. I feel like you hit a point where you literally ask yourself why? Why am I acting this way? I know I'm wrong but I'm still going; why? That's when you realize that it's not always what's best for you, but what's best for everyone. You put yourself in other people's shoes, or you remember a time when you were that age or in that position and what you did, what you know was right, and how you can inspire others not to walk that path; but shed light on a new path that betters everyone's situation not just your own. You realize how much more satisfying life is when you live for yourself AND others instead of the narcissistic life you've been living. You'd think someone in this profession realizes that but as I said the truth always comes to surface. I did a good deed that I wanted to tell people about because it effected me so deeply that I wanted people to know about it so they can be influenced to help someone in any way they could. To have everyone but one person the person you were most excited to tell, because you weren't just telling this person what you did you were showing them who you are despite people frequently wronging you; you were showing the overcoming of bad situations, and still being good despite those circumstances. Yet, still there they are; showing you who they are, their truth. Then them going even further to show you how truly bitter they are by judging you for an act you committed when you were 17. Fuck, if my mom were to repeat all the mean shit I said to her which I thankfully don't remember, I would eternally feel like an asshole. I just remember being a self-entitled little bitch who always thought I was right and wanted to fight with everyone to prove how true it was. It reminded me of exactly why I stopped talking to him. You're excited to talk to someone who hasn't contacted you in weeks, who doesn't tell you when they're in town, and most importantly puts up this facade of a great person, great father, great brother, great, great, great, great, great, oh, look at me when I talk, see these hands, oh they're great, just like me I'm great, *hand dialog continues along with boring shit which is more than likely about myself and all the 'great' shit I do*, wait just in case you didn't see them; let me keep waving them around so you can admire my great hands that do great things that no normal person can do while this great mouth on my great big head continues to talk about me and how great I am. FUCK YOU, fuck you for dampening my spirit, fuck you for ruining my day, and most importantly fuck you for being a shitty father, no better yet, person and thinking you have any right to tell me what actions I should or shouldn't take. I have nothing to learn from you other than how not to act, and how not to treat people.