Getting down cleaning my house. It feels good to be home and I’m grateful for the life I’ve been able to build for myself. I look around and I’m satisfied with the way my place looks; it’s really coming along. My laptop isn’t working anymore so that’s a bummer I’d been thinking about going back to school or working on my website more but it’s going to be difficult - not impossible, but difficult without an up-to-date laptop. Danny rescheduled for Saturday which is a bummer because I only have Thursday/Friday off this week. So I won’t be able to venture into the Sequoias this week. Trying to work on finding comfort in disappointment. I honestly didn’t get my hopes up too much though because I’ve been learning to trust people to be who they are, and I’ve known Danny to be a flake so I already knew to grace myself for the plans not happening. I can always see if Amelia’s down to do something or just take care of things that have been on my to-do list. I need an oil change and my yard is looking kind of crazy so maybe I can just utilize that time to be a little home body. I have plans with Misty on Friday so I still have something to look forward to. Again though, I’m just trying to live in the present, understand that not even the rest of today or tomorrow is for certain. I have to ground myself in gratitude and appreciation rather than disappointment and anger. Even I am not always able to follow through so I need to be more flexible. I feel like I’m taking it rather well though. Worst case scenario I just go to the Kaweah Oaks Preserve and pay my favorite tree a visit. I have work later hopefully it goes well. Keeping my heart open to good vibes, and positivity. Still working on mustering up the strength to reach out to Bridget and my Tias. Also, still trying to redirect my mind whenever he crosses it. I will have beautiful moments with other people in my future. The Universe is pushing me to where I need to be. I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.

Had an amazing time camping. I can’t say that there weren’t times where I was slightly tempted to drink, but proud of myself that I didn’t. So grateful to be home. Excited for the next couple weeks. I have the Sequoias coming up this Thursday, and Yosemite next week. So thankful to live so close to such beautiful spaces. I was in awe at how lush and breathtaking The Avenue of the Giants was. Lucky to have Robert and Izzy in my life. We made so many magical memories. I loved the experience but it made me so grateful to have such a comfortable bed, such amazing people in my life, and happy to be alive sharing such wonderful experiences with them. I’m trying to keep myself busy. I’m hoping to heal from this heartbreak faster through nature submersion. Soak up the sun and try to keep my mind off him. I was hoping to potentially meet someone out there. I just want to be swept off my feet in love with someone. I care deeply for this person, but I need to accept the way things ended. I’ve been having trouble letting go and giving in to the Universe. Tarot keeps telling me I’m resisting the transition, I’m really trying. I’ve journaled, done cord-cutting, I’m not sure how else I’m supposed to move forward. I haven’t reached out, I haven’t even looked at his Instagram since May. I deactivated my personal instagram so I wouldn’t have to see the group chat. I unfollowed accounts that reminded me of him - except my girl friends. I try to redirect my mind whenever I’m thinking of him. I’ve maintained my sobriety; minus smoking socially. I’ve just been trying to focus on my personal development. Working towards the things I want in life. Utilizing my creative skills to paint, sew, and build my brand. Doing the shadow work to heal from my trauma wounds. I know I can’t undo years of bullshit in a matter of weeks. I’m a work in progress. I just have to keep moving forward. Grateful nonetheless for my life, my loved ones, and my progress thus far.