I can't believe how long I've had some of my journals that music book is hella old like I used to write down songs to download on limewire or frost wire  

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Tony probably thinks I'm a crybaby cause of that time he put my pillows on the floor and I got all hurt  

but it was just cause I had had it already lmao

i think that was after I found my pants refolded in my drawer  

It's so crazy I used to see my siblings every day

lmfao Andrea used to always eat my lipgloss hahaha sick ass

Johnny was always a turd hahahaha I love simple Johnny 

Jacob's my little turd

oh man the film pics I have of him are classic

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it used to be 40z n bluntz

now it's wine weed  

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Claire and I had an awesome day

she said she's coming tomorrow we'll see what happens

october 10, 2017

why does it still bother me that you guys talk

even though it was me who chose to leave

i couldn't take any more of the lies

is the pain worth the soft kisses upon my thighs

the caressing sighs  

no

no

dont do this to yourself

youre done

i keep thinking he wasn't the one

yet  

I keep thinking  

thinking only of you

wishing that deep down inside my dark tunnel of a heart

that one day you'd see that I want you forever

i want you for always

i want you through all days

good

bad

because even though we were fucked up

you were the best relationship I've ever had

No one fucks me like you did

Emotionally or physically

so close yet so far

you've cut deeper than anyone

my heart is now too adorned wt scars

are we meant to be?

if so, why'd you set me free

with your disregard

me too, why did I push you away

with my unrelenting guard?

we're both too tattered  

I don't know if there was any way we could've really made each other feel like we mattered

matter

this is all matter

filler

fill the time

fill the void

now I'm full

but I'm not fulfilled  

i need you

i miss you

how do I tell you

explain how I fell

for you

it's always you

only you

I guess you must miss me

miss me

stay missing me

fuck you  

I hate that you cross my mind from time to time

do I miss you? 

what we had was special

sometimes I wonder if I'll ever share that with anyone else

when I was with you it was like no one else

could make me feel like you did

love poured out of my heart  

everyone reached out their glass

except for you

all accepted but you

people like you there's few

i want to let you back in  

but I'm scared you won't appreciate me

love me

kiss me

miss me