I want to make everyone proud by taking the promotion but I have to follow my dreams I can't be a people pleaser all my life  

I know in my heart that I don't want to do it  

I think I just feel pressured and everyone is all wet over me doing it but I need to do what's best for me and right now that's trying to get back into school and really applying myself to my business

they can be proud of me once I reach my goals

my goals

not theirs

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This made me feel like an asshole but I don't get why it matters we literally don't talk anymore we don't hang out and I only see you when I'm working so why does it matter so much I blocked her months ago it might've even been last year  

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Julius and Sean came over yesterday after I got back from eating wt my mom and Juan and I laughed so hard when he stepped on that gopher's mouth

i showed them my attempt at a treehouse  

Frankie showed up not too long after

he was talking to me about how he had seen Genesis at Javis party wt the Canelo fight

i was like "oh you guys talked" 

no i just said hi  

that's cool dude I think that's really big of you like that's really cool of you

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that's the past 

then I thought well time is relative

past is 'having existed or taken place in a period before the present'  

people wallow in shit because they don't accept the past and live in the present

past is past

past is behind you

it could be a day or three years

but it doesn't change the fact that it's behind you  

I thought of how I got too turnt at the giants game

the next day I woke up and it had already turned into yesterday

time is relative  

 

It felt so good to catch up wt the girls and see how good everyone's doing  

I hate that every year I always get the birthday blues cause I always feel like people are gonna forget or not care but I felt so special and loved  

I love the people in my life

im glad I got a chance to talk to Kacey too cause I have been missing her and our month is coming up

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Explored a part of the Preserve that I had never been to

talked to Licha on the phone  

napped under a log

i truly enjoy my solitude wt nature nothing has helped heal my soul and fix whatever it is about me that's broken  

I came home covered in dirt from head to toe

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Finally got to see Licha yesterday and I was able to give her her long awaited nopal I picked one for her that was already blooming

i love her so much I appreciate that she remembered my birthday even though I forgot hers I remembered once I got home from in n out  

she reminded me how last year I made her my pasta and I was gonna take it to the hospital where her daughter was but they had already picked her up for her bday party at Sylvia's  

i brought my telescope because I think at the time I didn't have money to buy her something and I know we both love the moon so she was able to see it that close for the first time ever on her 49th birthday

everyone got a chance to see it it was so funny when Cecy was talking about how they had bought her all this stuff but you can tell that her seeing the moon was her favorite gift she pretended she was going to kick my telescope over she's so funny

i remember I almost didn't go cause I thought it was going to be awkward but I had a really good time everyone loved my pasta too  

I'm so lucky to have so many special people in my life  

Licha is one of my forever friends  

I remember calling her the day my Tia Lupe died and how hard I was crying - i didn't let anyone see that except for her

her love and friendship has healed me so much when I've gone through so much

 

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I've gone through a lot this past year but now that I've made it through that I know I can get through anything else  

 

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Birthday Drinks

My dad called before I went out while I was on the phone wt my sister and Livy. We were hella laughing at Mario and Jp hahaha when I was like "Everyone was always making fun of Mario and you were always defending him; that's probably what made you the angriest huh?!" Hahaha we were dying! 

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Met up wt Adri and Samara for a drink at PHD the bartender was super cool. Taking back Sunday was playing he gave me my Old Fashion wt honey and lemon and orange rind it was the best one I've ever had; not just cause it was free either

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Samara said she's gonna see about I love art bro and if she can try to get me in if not I'll see what's up too I just need to get myself out there  

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I love the shirt I wore last night I know it's falling apart but sometimes there's beauty in destruction