And you are

I don't want the words you said to be true

I don't want to be a distraction to you, but you distract me

so maybe I wanted you to feel the same - not distracted from your responsibilities but from your insecurities

I know we live too far away, but I was willing to go the distance

I liked your honesty, but it didn't make it hurt any less

you are an inspiration, your drive, your ambition, your carefree nature

there's no time

time was created by man, but it looks like they don't have any to spare for me

I'm afraid to look into your eyes

they're like the sun's reflection bouncing off my favorite creek onto my favorite trees, beaming out from my favorite muse

"he has eyes like the sun that melt my heart" - 8.27.17

I wrote that about you

you inspire me to be a better person

I want to be physical wt you but that part of me is locked away scared that you're just looking for that side of me and not the other complexities that embody my little old soul

I understand all your concerns but I don't understand how I can reassure you that I see past all of that

I love that you have goals - it makes me want to reach mine faster

I love that you see your family and your future as a priority - it inspires me to do the same

maybe you're not the one

but the light of your eyes unearthed the tenderness I've been longing to try

heartbreak always forces me to drive myself into my work

my heartache for the loss of the relationship wt my dad drove me to build this website

my heartache for feeling like I wasn't good enough for Isaac pushed me to do things that set me on the path that I'm on in life right now

this don't take shit from men

be a strong independent woman who doesn't give a fuck

except I started to not give any fucks

for anyone

not even myself

I made choices that I can't say I regret because regret is denial of self

every boy after Isaac still made me look back

what is he doing

do you think he misses me

do you think he regrets missing out on all we could've had

has he said anything on social media that refers to him regretting the way he treated me

you drove me to block him on all social media bc his opinion didn't matter anymore - just yours

I just wish you'd give me a chance to drown your insecurities the way you helped curve the biggest one I had weighing me down

I shouldn't cry because maybe this heartbreak will push me to follow the love that I've been needing to follow all along

the love for my work

my little projects that forever go unfinished because I'm too busy trying to give my time and love away to other endeavors in the hopes that I'll get at best a small portion of the love I gave

you freed me from a heart full of scorn and regret

you are different

you make me want to be different

I've learned so much from you and I don't even know you

you don't even know you

I don't even know me

I thought we could find each other

now I'm just finding myself

and that's okay

I'll always be okay

I'll always be awesome as long as I allow myself to be sometimes I just forget

it's easy to forget