10/05/26

I’ve had an amazing weekend I really needed this. I want to look into getting my MAT. I loved working with Kindergartners I think I could live a happy life doing that. There are 1-2 year programs I can look around and see what the best thing for me is. I want to be able to take properly take care of myself. I don’t need a lot. I just want to be able to take care of myself. As much as I wish I would’ve started this process sooner I’m just glad I’m getting it done. I can buy my LLC and really follow Virgil Abloh’s blueprint. I’ll have my Master’s too maybe even go for my doctorate and be there’ll another Dr. Corvera in the family. My Tia Lupe always wanted to be a teacher. I honestly did at one point to I remember being in 6th grade thinking that. I think the school shootings and waiting on the bitch ass teachers from Orosi at the time I was working at Martha’s made me not want to do it anymore. I was going to say I wasn’t in the right headspace but my head was in another dimension. Capricious youth what can I say. I had passed through a lot, but much of it was really the repercussions of my own actions. I can’t change the past but I can be grateful to have my mind in the right place now and push forward to achieve my goals. I want to be someone I can be proud of. Not to say I’m not proud of my perseverance; I just want to be a good role model for my siblings - someone my loved ones can actually be proud of.

I’ll always be an artist, a photographer, a fashionista, & a professional thrifter/reseller lol but I can also do those things and not be living on the border of poverty. Incapable of affording to take trips with my family and friends. I’m tired of missing out on moments with my family. I want to visit my sister in Germany. I want to finally go back to France. I want my bucket list moment of riding a Vespa in Italy and making a wish at the Trevi Fountain. I can and I will.

04/04/26

I had a beautiful day today. Trying not to stress so much about my situation and just be in the present. I can’t change anything about the choices I’ve made in the past but I can be more intentional with my life choices. I was ignorant to what life would be like for me. I thought if I finished school and didn’t have kids I would live a financially stable life. I’ve been fine with scraping along. Actually no, I realize that I want leadership roles but have always been hesitant to occupy them. Out of fear of: the disappointment of not getting the position, or the failure of not being able to hack it. I always thought one day I’ll be in a financial plateau where I’ll be able to put my all into my website and I’ll be successful in my business. I have a severe lack of following through on my commitments and it hinders me in so many aspects of my life. I’m not necessarily motivated by the idea of having lavish things; I just want to live comfortably without financial stress. Maybe what motivated my family into success was experiencing true poverty and knowing that they didn’t want to live that way. I want to be able to do nice things for my family one day. I was always scared my siblings didn’t like me and I was afraid of rejection so I never made a huge effort the way Amelia would. It melted my heart to see that Sam still had the camera I gave him years ago and Jake still had the mug I gave him. I love all my family so much I’m so grateful they’ve forgiven me for my mistakes. I hope I can continue to grow from them and do my best to mend the hurt I’ve caused them and in turn myself. I’m sad I missed the Sahagun Easter, but I had an amazing day that I’m so blessed to have experienced.

04/03/26

Que te digo. Being here always makes me wonder where I’d be at in life. I get so mad at myself for not seeing the opportunities my Dad and Bridget were trying to offer me. I didn’t have structure or any real rules and I thought that’s how I wanted things to be. I didn’t want to move over here because I’d miss my Tia Lupe too much, and because I wouldn’t be able to get away with mamadas the way that I was able to at home. I’m trying to live my life in a more structured way because I know that when I’m structured I’m more successful. I see how successful my siblings are and I’m so proud of them; I know that my Dad and Bridget just wanted to same for us and tried to show us how we could be successful and I don’t know why I just thought things would fall into place somehow. I need to do better for myself. Find a path and stick to it. Actually follow through though. I need to make things happen for myself.