I’ve been feeling better about everything. I don’t know why it’s not like things with COVID-19 are better. It’s actually getting increasingly worse as the days go by. I’m happy to know I don’t have to return to work until June 1st wt pay. That makes me feel safer but it reminds me of that Drive-In movie scene in Grease about the blob or like lava in the volcano movies. It’s quickly but slowly encroaching it’s existence into my space. My mental space, physical space, etc. These walls help. I feel physically more in shape with these work outs and walks. Even though I haven’t been watching what I eat very much. I caved and bought hot Cheetos yesterday. My facial rash is going away. If it’s the foundation I’m sad. If it’s the lemon I’m also sad. I love lemon and even though the foundation was a bit too dark for me I was excited to do my make-up. That was interrupted this past Monday too wt the drama that was going on due to COVID-19 and my dad getting upset feeling as though we weren’t following the rules. I am. It feels like it’s everywhere though. You can take as many precautions as you want and drive yourself nuts but even doctors and nurses are getting this and bringing it back to their families. I’ve limited my drinking and smoking. It sucks I miss smoking my joints freely throughout the day whenever I feel like it. I lasted longer w/o smoking than I did w/o drinking. Not out of personal preference just bc I’m taking it easy on my lungs. It’s really hard to focus wt this shit too man. My paranoia grows with the numbers. If I die it’d suck, but I haven’t taken care of myself in the recent years. I’ve been looking back more than forward. The outlook is bleak. Hopefully my body is not as weak as my mindset has been lately. I could’ve been handling shit this whole time. Time flies