Today was an interesting day to say the least.

I've been so deep into thought that I feel like an asshole because I feel like I haven't been taking the time to really listen to the people out there in my life. I started feeling this way the last time I went to go visit my Tia Lupe who is now refusing to talk....I was like remembering when I was living there and the times that she tried to talk to me and the times I would not even pay attention to her and it made me feel guilty because now that I'm ready to listen it's not an option for me anymore. I miss her telling me stories of her growing up in Mexico and having to walk far to wash their clothes in the river and shit like that. I don't think I've had a great conversation with anyone in I don't even remember how long. I find myself getting to points where I'm having to come up with something to keep the conversation going. I was thinking of how I've just been a lazy ass for the last couple of years. I saw this young woman in the office and then I ended up seeing her again in my kindergarten class, it turns out she's possibly going to be the newest addition to the kindergarten staff should things work out for her which I hope they do. But her ambition has inspired something within myself. She said she'd just graduated from Fresno State, she started off at COS (like me, only I never continued) and now she's going to become a kindergarten teacher at the age of 23 (my age) because she was focusing on herself and what she really wanted to do. I can't wait for tomorrow, and another tomorrow because if I keep focusing on other shit my dreams won't come true. Lose myself in work and stop trying to please others. I have to learn that it's okay to be selfish sometimes. Wtf have I been waiting for like I feel like things are finally starting to fall into place for me I just have to keep pushing forward. 

-I hate when people come up to me and complain about Martha's like I only wait tables there you complaining is only making for an awkward situation for the both of us. One of my co-workers from the elementary school I work for complained about one of my best friends and I was in shock about it. I don't understand why people act that way towards him, I explained to her that it's impossible for him to overcharge her because it's all computers and we just type in exactly what you got. I asked if she received an itemized receipt and she said no. I suggested that she get one next time so she can see everything she's being charged for. Now it's awkward because all the aides are going in on Friday for a party - I'll be working but I still agreed to be a part of the secret santa and oddly enough the co-worker who approached me is the one I got.

Some customers are really cool.

Even though there are some customers that come in to Martha's and act like pretentious imps there's always those exceptional ones that make me really love people when I think I'm starting to become a misanthrope. There's this guy who always comes in and can be very sassy sometimes but in a funny way we started talking music and it turns out he's a big jazz fan; I showed him Astrud/Stan - he saaaaaaaays he likes it I hope he really does. I have a whole new appreciation for him as a person. He introduced me to this guy and I'm hella into it. I want to try and burn him the same cd [The mix CD Kaytie's ex 'Geo' made for me that introduced me to Astrud] or maybe even a better one with the music I've collected through thrifting and purchasing soundtracks via itunes. It's crazy because I feel like the people who surround you even though they care about you; are the first ones to say you won't be able to accomplish the shit you truly believe you are. I've been feeling really lucky when it comes to the people I've been waiting on there's this couple that comes in and always sits at the same table they're super friendly, courteous, and polite. When I wait on people that's all I'm really asking - at the end of the day, you knew you were going to come in here and have to talk to me...repeatedly....so we can talk about the things you want HELLO?! So why be rude or obnoxious to someone who's just at work trying to do their job if you didn't want to deal with a waitress, you could have ordered to go. Not that I always get rude customers but I hate that people think it's okay to be rude if they tip well. I can care less about your money if you ruin my day because you're trying to make me feel as low as you must feel on the inside to treat a stranger so rudely. Excuse me for venting but, I was hella offended the other day when these two older white people were being super offensive. I know they thought they were being funny but I didn't think it was. I almost cried about it but I was like nah I'm not gonna be a little bitch about it cause either way what the fuck do I care about these people to let them affect me so much. They were pretty much laughing at the fact that I can't hear in one of my ears, and when they left their tip they said it was for my, "Hearing aid fund". Oh, did I mention they also mimicked a deaf person trying to talk while fake signing? People are lucky I have so much restraint and patience. Anyways back to the point, these customers; people I barely know, make me feel more confident in my abilities and ideas than people I talk to on a daily basis. That couple I talked about earlier found out about my ambitions and ideas as far as this website and the husband told me someone he knew had recently passed away left him with four trailers worth of belongings, as they owned an antique store and had a lot of shit! He stated he didn't have the time or patience to look through everything but encouraged me to get business cards to pass out and put myself out there. Once I get business cards, he can contact me about various things he's found or I could go and take a look myself! Just when I start to lose hope for humanity and people looking out for each other, I meet people like this who encourage me to follow my dreams, because instead of putting me down they're believing in me as much as I do.

Astrud Gilberto & Stan Getz: The Girl From Ipanema- 1964

The first time I heard this song, my friend Kaytie that I met in my English 1 class, was talking to her boyfriend about me listening to The Temptations, and how I was gonna go see Smokey Robinson, so he took it upon himself to make me a mixed cd. It was awesome to say the least. It said something like "I know I don't know you but from what Kaytie tells me I think you'd like a lot of the music I put on here for you - Geo" I ended up giving it to Tyler...I kinda regret that but then I don't because I know Astrud was on there and now he says she's one of his favorite artists.

Missing Journal

Even though I haven't written in it in forever I'm still scared of the outcome and who could possibly have it or if I just hid it so well that now I can't even find it myself.

Halloween Make-Up

Getting started

I was a bunny from House of 1000 Corpses

Santa Fe Brunch wt my Members Only Jacket

I usually get a tostada de camaron con todo but I decided to switch it up today. They installed new tile and are doing some pretty cool construction shit on the inside; I'm excited to see what the finished product will look like.

The town crazy lady tried to get crazy with me while I was leaving. - Fuck that bitch.

Halloween Morning

Debating whether or not I should wear this out for my planned lunch with three of my Tia's.

Halloween Horror Nights - Terminus

Bob Dylan - I Want You

"And the cats across the roof, mad in love, scream into drainpipes. And it’s I who am ready, ready to listen. Never tired, never sad, never guilty"

I learned about this song in my History of Rock & Roll class that I took at COS, at the same time I was taking English 1 where I had this cool ass teacher who would incorporate music in almost everything that we did. Some days Mr.Blakie would just bring his iHome and we'd all take turns showing the types of music we listen to. He played this movie [I'm Not There]; we took an exam where we had to write an essay on it and I was the only one who got more than 100%!

Key & Peele - I Said Biiiiiitch

On the phone with Ruby and she said she had told someone, "You better, bitch!"
 And I said, "You said bitch though?" and she goes, "No, but I was thinking it" So I had to send her this video and the second part cause she'd never seen them!